Do you really trust yourself? Do you trust your divine team? You may be feeling that your trust is being tested right now in 2016!

On February 9, 2016 at 12:30 pm I had an experience that rocked my inner trust. I was all dressed in my work out clothes and was sipping on a green juice while on the telephone with my event coordinator for the Shine Event when this opportunity presented itself. As I was talking on the phone I began to have central chest pain that was sharp and consistent, a 9/10 on the pain scale. This chest pain then radiated down my left arm and up to my left jaw. I heard the voices saying you are having a heart attack and that you need to hang up the phone and call 911. I was in shock! I am 44 years old and in good health how could I be having a heart attack?

I asked the lady on the phone, Cody, if it was the left arm that was a sign of a heart attack and she said yes why? I said because I am pretty sure I am having one. She offered to drive out to come and get me, but it was a 40-minute drive between our homes and I knew I needed help sooner than that. I have a medical history; I used to work in the rural hospitals for 15 years before I entered into my passionate current career!

I called 811 and talked to the lady at Health Link and she said ma’am you need to hang up now and call 911. I was in a wee bit of denial. By this point I was beginning to get clammy and sweat and I knew that it was critical that get moving to get help. I called 911 and the operator told me to take 2 aspirin right away (funny I bought the daily dose aspirin for any older people that might need it when them came to visit). The 911 operator told me to unlock the front door and wait for the ambulance. I had tried to call my husband for help but he didn’t answer his phone or his texts. I knew that my friend Kathy was close by in Black Diamond so I had texted her and said I needed her help now. She arrived shortly before the paramedics.

During this time I felt a lot of things crossed through my awareness. I tried to keep myself calm and finally sat on the couch and cried, wondering how this could be happening to ME and why was I all alone!

The paramedics arrived and did an EKG and began to administer Nitro Spray, which helps with chest pain. This spray gave me a whopping headache as it blows open the vessels in your body to allow your heart to receive the blood that it needs. They loaded me into the back of the ambulance and kept checking all of my vitals.

Dshutterstock_354235757_600uring this time I kept checking in with my higher self, asking if I was going to be okay? Did I trust the divine? Why didn’t my spirit guides alert me that this was going to be a little blurb in my life? Why didn’t I know? Why?

Upon arrival at the Black Diamond Hospital the ER doctor came in and said that my troponin levels were slightly elevated and that he wanted to send me to the Rockyview Hospital CCU a.s.a.p. As you can imagine I was beginning to feel scared and trying not to spin out of control with fear!

They loaded me back into the ambulance and we drove an hour to the city hospital to await a bed in ER. The hallway was lined up with gurneys and paramedics tending to their patients as we all waited to see the ER doctor and get a bed in Emergency. After a 3.5 hour wait I saw the ER doctor and was moved into a room in Emergency. I was hooked up to heart monitors, IV’s one in each arm right at my elbows, and was given a hand full of drugs! I am not a big believer in lots of pharmaceuticals so all of this was too much for me!

I am so grateful to have really good friends in my life! Kellie stayed with me sleeping in a chair the night in Emergency, as I didn’t feel safe to be alone. It wasn’t a very restful night listening to other patient’s crying after pulling out their nasogastric tube, etc.! I was praying all night that there would be a bed up in CCU soon so I could get some real rest.

I have been under a lot of stress recently being separated from a marriage of 20 years and reeling in all that goes with that experience. I was wondering if this heart pain was from all of the stress?

Finally, after an echocardiogram and abdominal ultrasound there was a bed for me in the CCU unit. As the paramedics wheeled me to CCU #4 I began to realize the intensity of this situation. CCU was on the same floor as the ICU! Why was I up here? I am not that sick am I? I was the youngest patient on this unit!

The CCU nurses welcomed me with smiles and love and began hooking me up to many different heart leads, IV’s and cords! My toilet was right by my bed, so not a lot of moving around in this room for any patients! I was confined to my bed for the next few days, not a comfortable feeling for an Aries!

At this point my troponin levels were still rising which meant that my heart went without oxygen for a period of time. They were trying to rule out; stress cardiomyopathy, a blocked artery in my heart, or viral cardiomyopathy. I was receiving lots of anticoagulants and drugs to help my body until we could get an angiogram to find out the exact cause of my troponin levels rising.

I had many visitors come to see me during this time. My three girls came for a few visits as did my husband, and I am sure it was scary for them to see their mom hooked up to so many lines, tubes and machines. I was scared too and was trying to comprehend how the universe could throw this loop into my plans!

After four days I was booked to go for an angiogram at the Foothills Hospital. I was transported by EMS over to that hospital to be prepped for this exam. I could feel the fear rising within me about this procedure. I was scared and felt that I could chose to exit my life at this point if I wanted to during this procedure. I have many intuitive friends and my friend Angie said to me, do you want to stay here on the planet? I thought about it and wasn’t sure as the stress that I have been dealing with in my separation was very hard on me. I felt tired and was tired of working so hard in life! I took some meditation time to go within and decide what I wanted to do. I heard a clear message that it would be easy to go but it would feel somewhat like suicide to me, leaving the planet before my mission was accomplished. I heard, “ You have the courage to move ahead and now is your time to live a life of ease and grace, to begin truly nurturing yourself.” At that moment I committed to staying!

As they wheeled me on the stretcher into the Cath Lab I began to feel immense fear and knew something bigger was going to take place! They gave me a little sedative through my IV, which calmed me a bit. They sterilized the area in my right groin and then began to insert the very long sheath up through my femoral artery through my abdomen and up into my heart. I could feel them in my heart moving the wire around and injecting the dye. I was watching my heart beating on the four TV screens to the left of my body.   I could see the dye being released and moving throughout my heart. I began to cry, gently the tears were falling from my eyes onto the stretcher. I felt so alone and so scared. I had wished that I had asked my husband to come with me to this procedure, why do I have to pretend to be so strong? I thought he would just offer to come to be with me but I now realize that sometimes men don’t think like women and we have to tell them what we need!

After 15 minutes the procedure was done they began pulling the sheath out of the right side of my groin, which is a very unnatural feeling. The cardiologists told me my heart was clear and that there were no blockages anywhere! Completely normal! I joked and asked “If I could still eat French fries,” and he said “Well a few occasionally!”

After the procedure I had to lie completely flat for 2-4 hours until the femoral incision began to clot, otherwise I could bleed to death within a matter of minutes! The EMS arrived again to transfer me back to the Rockyview Hospital where they would monitor me overnight. It turned out the EMS transfer team were very spiritual and we began talking about what I do for work! The one paramedic was quitting her job to follow her spiritual path and I applauded her following her passion as I had done over 13 years ago!

In the end no none could really explain what had happened to me and why the pain had occurred. I am still waiting for a few outpatient tests to rule out viral cardiomyopathy, and my family doctor thought it could be a pericarditis caused by a virus. But, what I know was that it was a huge wake up call for me to begin nurturing myself! I am good at powering through life and making things happen but now I need to find that balance of nurturing ME! I am not very good at this if you know me, but my new plan is to begin taking care of myself and slowing down!

I am so grateful for my amazing friend Kathy Huber for being by my side supporting me through this event. Thank you to Kellie Cartwright, Chris Marmes, Angela Hartfield, Karen Snodgrass, Karen Neuls, Vicki Stride, Cody Tymchuk, Tammy Pelletier, Tracey Chiasson, Colleen Snook, Fawna Bews and Leah Carter for being that strength when I was in fear! Love you all!

I share this story with you so that you can begin to nurture yourself and begin to find that inner balance!

In balance,
Velva Dawn