As I lay awake with jet lag and a chest cold from my recent amazing trip to Italy I ponder the changes in my life, and begin to awaken to a realization that maybe I live in a false reality of belief in humanity and unconditional love.

This year, 2016, has been a huge year of personal transformation for me and the process still continues. As I end my 20 year marriage I move through the stages of grief. Some days are amazing and some days I just want to dig a big hole and bury myself in it, disappearing from the deep edges of the pain through change.

shutterstock_471582509_600x400Friends who have been divorced warned me that mutual couple friends will take sides during the process and that they will choose to resonate with one person, listening to one side of the story only. I have been observing this process over the past year.

I live in a rural community where everyone knows everyone. This has always been a gift to me and something that I hold a lot of gratitude for close to my heart. I grew up in a small hamlet near Huxley, Alberta so my roots run deep for small communities and the support that they can bring into one’s life.

What I have noticed in the last little while is that some people are making it very clear that they have chosen a side to show their support for that person. This truly confuses my heart. My counselor said to me, “It takes a mature person to truly be neutral in divorce and my dear this can be a real wake up call.”

Honestly, I struggle with this concept! Have we lost faith in humanity? Can we not just support people to be happy through change letting go of our own judgments and misperceptions?

Why do we have to CHOOSE sides when change occurs? Is this an old paradigm that has been programmed since childhood? Does the choosing give one a false sense of empowerment? What is at the core of this belief…

My parent’s divorced after 44 years of marriage five years ago. I committed to myself that I wouldn’t chose sides through their divorce and that I would try at all times to see through their eyes of pain and hold unconditional love for each of them. There have been moments that I have been disappointed for sure, but I tried to see underneath the emotions that they were experiencing and that there is deep pain in change, and that I had no right to judge either of them for an experience that wasn’t mine.

Now it’s me going through this big change in my life. Oh how humble I have become being the woman getting a divorce in a small rural town. I truly know now what my parent’s went through in their own divorce and am so grateful to have their unconditional support through my own process. I am so grateful to the family and friends who haven’t chosen sides and still treat me with love, support and friendship.

So I ask does choosing make you more loyal to your friend who is going through a divorce or does it hinder the expansive vision of unconditional love that any soul needs to transition through painful change?